Everything Was Nothing.

It’s been about 7 months since you left me for the last time. I tell everyone I’ve moved on. I tell them I don’t love you anymore. I tell them I’m better without you. I tell them I can’t stand the very thought of your existence. I tell them I hope you’re miserable without me. But guess what? I haven’t really moved on. I’ll never stop loving you, just like I promised. I’m a wreck with AND without you. I can’t stand your existence because you’re not part of mine anymore. And I know you’re perfectly fine without me. That’s what sucks the most. I’m sitting here crying uncontrollably and you’re sleeping peacefully with no worries, no regrets, nothing.
You used to think I was overreacting. You thought I was acting insane when you left me.
You’re right, I was going completely insane. My life had just taken a dramatic turn for the worst when you left. How was I supposed to act? You promised me forever, multiple times. You’d always look at me with those beautiful, blue eyes and shake your head and say “I never thought I’d actually get to be with someone like you,” and then talk about how beautiful, amazing, and perfect I was. You’d always write songs about me and surprise me with them when I was sad and sing them to me while you looked at me and smiled and winked after every verse. You always talked about how we’d have the perfect wedding. You’d talk about our children and how we’d be great parents. You’d talk about growing old together; sitting in front of a fireplace, drinking tea, looking at our high school pictures, our wedding pictures, and smiling about how far we’ve come.
You used to comfort me when I would cry. You’d wipe my tears, hold me, and even cry with me. Every single time. My sadness was your sadness. Then everything took a sudden change. You’d sigh when I’d start crying. You’d look at me like “oh my god, she’s crying AGAIN.” You started yelling at me for everything. You started questioning everything about our relationship. You told me I wasn’t the girl you wanted to marry anymore. You told me it was a bother to try to make time for me. You told me you felt obligated to be with me because we wasted so much time. Wasted.
On February 25th, I asked you “Did you even really love me?” You stared at me for a good 5 seconds and said nothing. In your hesitation, I found my answer. I walked out of that room, slammed the door and you came running after me. I saw you. Everyone saw you looking for me. But I had been hurt one too many times and I didn’t care what you had to say. When I lost you, I lost a part of myself. My entire life had been planned out. Our forever was in YOUR hands and you threw that all away without warning, without hesitation, and without caring. So don’t you fucking tell me I was overreacting. Don’t you dare.

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